KJP Jean-Karine Platitudes from White House Communications Department

“We’re taking the matter seriously.”

“We’re monitoring the situation closely.”

“We’re watching the events closely.”

“After serious, close monitoring and watching, we would do nothing about it, nor report anything to you anyhow.”

“We do not have any information to report from This Podium (holy as it is) at this time.”

“If we did, we would not tell you anyway, and lie about that.”

“We refer you to anybody but US at the White House for an answer.”

“The answer may answer your question, and be an answer, or we may satisfy your question with an answer that is a non-answer.”

“If we don’t like you, we will make no pretense at a non-answer answer, but just tell you to F off in other terms to make it clear to you and everyone else you do not deserve an answer.”

“We disdain you and will not answer.”

“We will not answer, and we disdain you.”

“We do not accept our responsibility, or even our role, as a government function that is funded to provide the American public with information about government operations or intentions.”

“We are a member of the executive branch to provide information, but you the people are not owed any answers; this is just a waste of an hour more or less every day to give the appearance of communication.”

“That these communication session are so horrible at communicating shows how little regard we give you as links to the America people, and our low regard for them as well.”

“We operate in an obnoxious fashion reading from a binder so you will comment on the binder rather than the fact we offer no real information or update.”

“Well, we do provide information, but it really is propaganda.”

“We are actually the Office of Noncommunication.”